Celebrity BB starts tonight......Oooooo....another fornight of shit telly then. The line-up is currently secret so I thought I'd do something a little different and do some live blogging as the 'celebrities' enter the house......
8.07pm.....Switch over to channel 4 seven minutes late.....bit of an onimous start. Davina is waffling as she goes round the house. The seats in the garden are heated. Big Wow.
8.08pm......Davina needs an autocue.....
8.09pm First advert break....advertising BB8 auditions *sigh*. Expedia don't make travel easier, they make it more expensive. Neurogena, black head stuff with the bird from Smallville, the words of Bill Hicks echo round my brain. X Box 360, Comet, Soya Milk, Carphone Warehouse....Smokin' Aces trailer (which spoils the film totally).....Blue WKD.....Tesco.....Expedia January Sale.....Ugly Betty (good series.....)
8.14......Back from advert hell......
8.15......*cough* the first celebrity is Jermaine Jackson aka Muhammad Abdul Aziz (Don't forget he's a Muslim convert folks.......oh and also Michael Jackson's brother).He's a clean freak and hates dirt. I dare someone to poo in his bed. He says he's a private person.....so why go into the house then?
8.19.....Jermaine Jackson enters the house dressed like his brother Michael....spooky....
8.20.....Celebrity number 2 is Danielle somebody....ex Miss Great Britain....title taken from her due to her realationship with Teddy Sheringham who was one of the judges (she says that they hooked up after the competition). In the words on BB7 contest Nikki......'Who is she?! Who is she?!.....Greeted with boo's from the crowd.....ha ha ha. Appears to be wearing a cow.
8.24....Who could celebrity number 3 be? I can hardly wait.....well actually I could but anyway....it's.................H from Steps? Cilla Black? Fucking hell, it's Ken Russell!!!!!! *faints* Well done CH4, that is a total curve ball. He is mucho bananas and should be quite fun in the house. Oh dear, he's singing 'Singin' in the Rain' badly......he is nuts :) Bloody hell he's 80....and they've had to cut the sound as he's swearing......ha ha ha. Wanders into the house.....he's the only one to introduce himself to the others. Bless.
8.33...More adverts.....time for a cup of tea.
8.37......Adverts over....hurrah....it's getting as bad as American telly.....so celebrity number 4 is.......Jo Meara from S Club 7. Oh sweet jesus. Complaining about being in a boy/girl band. Hello?! You travelled the world....you've seen things I'll never see.....get your head out of your arse and be thankful!! Miserable cow......she clearly wants to cling onto any sliver of 'celebrity' status.....i would have picked dignity myself. Enters the house and says she's scared. Wimp.
8.42.....No 5.....Yay!!! Leo Sayer, hurrah.....I want him to win already. He's doing the show because he's got nowt else to do. Bless. He knows Jermaine Jackson.
8.46.....No idea who is going to be next....the papers have been quite wrong so far.....oh OK...more bloody adverts!
8.47....Why is Brian Cox doing voice-overs for Pizza Hut adverts? As if being in a Steven Seagal isn't bad enough.....
8.52....Back again.....media tart, sorry, celebrity number 6 is......some Bollywood actress. I'm probably being rather dismissive as she'll be a massive celebrity everywhere else in the world. Reported in the press that she's getting £300 000 to appear. Not bad for a maximum of 2 weeks work.
8.56....I think they will up the stakes again and throw another curve ball....someone controversial....need someone else like Ken Russell.
8.58......Carol Malone.....newpaper columnist...rent-a-gob....famous for slagging off reality TV contestants. Mmmmmm.
9.03.....Number 8 is....Donny Tourette....famous for shagging Peaches Geldof. He'll be on to get his 'band' some exposure. Nuff said. Crowd chants 'Who are ya'....doesn't take too kindly to it. Knows Leo Sayer!!!!!
9.08....Guess what.....yup...adverts....
9.13....Only 5 minutes of adverts the.....*yawn*.....the 9th celebrity *cough* is H from Steps. Is that a barrel i can hear being scraped? Oh and he's gay.....who'd have thunk it.....
9.17....Cleo Roccos....remember her from the Kenny Everett show? Thought not. Anyway, she's number 10.
9.21....Jesus...is this nearly over yet? No Jade Goody yet....thankfully.
9.22....Dirk Benedict!!! My hero.....well....I was 8 at the time. Ladies man. I hope he wins already. Sorry Leo :) They made him arrive in an A-Team style van. Has no idea what he's doing there.
9.27.....Zzzzzzzzzzzz.......oooo a family arrives on Friday.....I wonder who that could be?
9.30.....Finally it's all over. It was tedious.....I won't be watching. Well maybe a little.......
1 comment:
You have captured the ad breaks perfectly! More of this, please. And why not live blog Big Brother's Big Mouth too?
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